hey there ya'll

Hey there ya'll no pics today but I felt like talking. I'm lonely today. It's not like I don't have people around me. I just feel down. You know I have 7 voicemails on my phone that I haven't checked all from today but they aren't from the one person I want to talk to. Don't get me wrong I love my friends but I miss someone. I can't call them because he is gone on vacation and I don't want to bother him and Brenda says I shouldn't. I knew when he left I wouldn't hear from him but now that it is here it sucks. We haven't even known eachother that long. I just want to hear that he thought about me or misses me or whatever. You know. maybe I am being crazy. Even though Matt sucked as a husband he could be a good friend and he was always good at just calling to say he was thinking about me. At the end he stopped doing that and I think that was the biggest clue that it was really over. Thats what I want though. No long converstaion just a hey I was thinking about you. He will be home soon but it won't be the same. I don't know why it just won't I can feel it. Good or bad I'm not sure. I wonder if he thinks about me? But whatever.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I don't want to celebrate hoilday's this year. I think Thanksgiving is just get fatter day. Hoildays are way to commericalized now. We are puting up fake trees and and playing christmas music before thanksgiving gets here. We wait all year for the hoilday season and when it gets here we try to rush to get through it and the true meaning is gone. Everybody wants the biggest and best gifts, what happened to handmade gifts that came from the heart?

I miss my family. It feels like I won't see them ever again. I know I will but it doesn't seem like anytime soon. Violet is getting so big. The last time I saw her was last Easter. I'm glad Aunt Jill sends me pictures so I will atleast recognize her.

You know I don't see what guys see in me. I work at Ham's and when I get a table of guys I get all these rude comments and sometimes some of them ask me out. The girls say I could get my self a good sugar daddy since most of them are in suits but thats not what I want. I have a few guy friends that I was friends with before Matt and they all wish I would give them a chance but I found the one I am giving a chance but sometimes I wonder if he wants it. I am not wanting to get serious or married anytime in the future but you know. He asked me to be his girlfriend and he says he wants to be long term but sometimes his actions or what he says shows different. Dad and Bren like him and well he does treat me good and he doesn't take my crap. Believe me! Time will tell.

The truth is all I want is a guy to love me like in that song by John Michael Montgomery called "I love the way you love me." Thats all I want, a guy to just love the simple things about me and to just be in love with me. If you don't know the song it is on my playlist. Go check it out its my fav! Well if you got this far thanks you are awesome and too committed. I love you for it.